Brian Burke

Brian Burke is about as far away from a Hollywood Republican (literally and figuratively) as conceivable. (All Brian knows about present day Holywoo [SIC] is what he watches on Bojack Horseman).  He is an attorney practicing in Worcester, Massachusetts (the birthplace of the Birth Control Pill, American Rocketry, and the Smiley Face), but lives in the small town of Stow (the birthplace of Butternut Squash and Former Secretary of State George Shultz’s political career) where he serves as Selectman. (The five-member Board with the sexist title that acts as if it runs the Town). Selectman Buke (or Selectman Shecky as he is sarcastically referred to by his colleagues) was elected without opposition, but still with an overwhelming vote total (outside his family, everyone in Stow pretty much likes him).

Mr. Burke is married (and faithfully so) to his first wife of 21 years (for which he credits his wife completely) and attends RC Church weekly, not so much because he has faith in life long fidelity or is especially devout, but because he is shanty-mick superstitious: after breaking any of the Ten Commandments, something awful (even more awful than usual) always happens. Brian has three children, none of whom is ready for the future challenges facing them and our country (for which he blames his wife utterly), but all of whom will probably make excellent underlings for their new Chinese overlords (topic of an upcoming piece). And Brian Burke is too wicked ugly and unassuming to post a photo with this bio.

Mr. Burke is also a three term Massachusetts Republican State Committeeman (the Board of Directors of the Commonwealth’s GOP). The Massachusetts Republican Party goes back over a century and half — back to just about the time the first adobe hut rose up in what was then known as Nopalera.  In all his years as a political apparatchik for the GOP in what is now known as the Bluest Commonwealth in the country, he has never garnered any credit for his party’s few success, only blame for its many failures. (But perhaps that is as it should be).  His brother, Thomas, is in “The Biz” (find him in IMDB), but moved out of L.A years ago and is decidedly not a Republican; his late father was a staunch, lifelong Democrat who worked in the Carter White House, while Mr. Burke’s poor widowed mother is still waiting for him to grow out of his teenage rebellious phase and join her party.

On the other hand, one of Mr. Burke’s secret vices is reading Hollywood biographies (currently working on Print the Legend: the Life and Times of John Ford, Scott Eyman), and he watches Turner Classic Movies the way other middle age men watch porn (late at night, when everyone else in the family is upstairs sleeping), And (it ought to go without saying) he favors a sesquipedalian and discursive writing style that contains too many desultory asides ending up in far too many parentheticals phrases. (If you don’t know the words in his pieces on this site, use Bing look-up),


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