Paranoid Thrillers, Take 2: The Obama Re-Writes

TIME magazine was among the early puffers of Barack Obama. An abrogation of responsibility or a conspiracy within the Liberal press?

On Wednesday I suggested that we were perhaps a little too eager to see conspiracies everywhere in Washington, D.C. And yet, it’s sort of a natural reaction to a president whom the media chose to puff rather than vet, and whose connections to Marxists, Leftists, Socialists, racists, corrupt unions, convicted criminals and corporate welfare queens are pretty mind-bobbling. These connections and Obama’s proven ineptitude leave even the casual observer to conclude it must all be part of some grander plan. After all, if Obama is as brilliant as his enablers would have us believe, he couldn’t be flaming out so spectacularly unless it were intended, right? That is, unless he were opposed by an even more brilliant, and super-secret conspiracy against him! Like those evil Republicans led by Rush Limbaugh who want him to fail. So perhaps Obama is not the orchestrator of a grand conspiracy, but the protagonist who uncovers it, or, which is even more likely, the hapless dupe who enables the triumph of evil. Take this plot line for example:

An idealistic young president, duped by his own EPA into giving a safety award to a slipshod oil company, witnesses an exploding oil rig, then finds himself lost on a tar-spattered beach, looking for the right ass to kick, before escaping to Maine with his family and letting others plug the damn hole.

But BP is not the be all and end all of Obama’s bumbling and/or malfeasance. Thus, call me paranoid, but I offer up a fanciful look at classic Hollywood conspiracy thrillers with suggested re-writes for the Obama regime.

Classic:

Invasion of the Body Snatchers: A small-town doctor learns that the population of his community is going to bed healthy and normal but waking up as emotionless, alien duplicates.

Obama re-write:

Invasion of the Ballot Snatchers:A light-weight president discovers that his mindless partisans are waking up to the fraud and failure of his hopey-changey nonsense and seeing through the myth of his infallibility. Obama, coming to the uneasy realization that his intellectual, moral and rhetorical superiority can overcome anything except opposition, knows he needs a new strategy to assure his re-election. Desperate, he mobilizes SEIU, Teamster, AFT/NEA and New Black Panther thugs to destroy voting machines and intimidate voters in Republican precincts.

In Francis Ford Coppola's The Conversation, Gene Hackman's obsession with surveillance leads to his undoing.

Classic:

The Conversation: A paranoid and personally-secretive surveillance expert has a crisis of conscience when he suspects that a couple he is spying on will be murdered.

Obama re-write:

Every Conversation: A paranoid and secretive president sets up a website that allows citizens to report snippets of conversation with their neighbors which are critical of the president. As public discontent grows, the website is flooded with derogatory comments which become fodder for opposition campaigns. When the Attack Watch website ceases to function, the public wonders if the volume of criticism caused it to crash, or if the server is curled up in a corner weeping.

Classic:

All the President’s Men: Investigative reporters at the Washington Post “follow the money,” collecting details of the Watergate conspiracy which eventually forces a president to resign.

Hoffman and Redford as Washington Post reporters who toppled a president.

Obama re-write:

All the President’s Enablers: As a young president tries to push his jobs program, WH staffers continually arrange photo-ops at inappropriate venues: solar facilities due to go bankrupt, businesses shipping jobs overseas and bridges not due for repair until 2015. As the public begins to follow the money trail of his failed stimulus program to numerous bundlers who raked in dough for his first campaign, his re-election plans teeter. Members of the liberal press, led by the Washington Post and New York Times, rally to prop up the failed president, only to mortally wound their own credibility. In the closing weeks, the president dramatically switches tactics, from blaming his predecessor to blaming his handlers.

Classic:

The Manchurian Candidate: A former Korean War POW is brainwashed by Communists into becoming a political assassin and a pawn to put their man in the White House.

Obama re-write: Re-write? What re-write? Shot for shot remake!

Classic:

Minority Report: In the future, criminals are caught before the crimes they commit, but one of the officers in the special unit is accused of one such crime and sets out to prove his innocence.

Obama re-write:

The Kyoto Report: A president obsessed with hypothetical consequences of unproven dangers that might visit the country in the far-off future, enacts job-killing legislation and heavy regulation, unnecessarily prolonging the pain of a deep recession. When he is warned that he is steering the country towards a double-dip recession, he retreats into the past, defending himself by blaming his predecessor.

Classic:

Seven Days in May: US military leaders plot to overthrow the President because he supports a nuclear disarmament treaty and they fear a Soviet sneak attack.

Obama re-write:

First Tuesday in November: US military leaders, convinced that the President’s plan to draw down troops in Iraq and Afghanistan is so extreme it will prevent them from doing any real security work other than circling the hum-vees and protecting themselves, outwardly campaign for the president’s opponent who promises to secure the gains made at such cost of blood and treasure.

Classic:

The Parallax View:  An ambitious reporter gets in way-over-his-head trouble while investigating a senator’s assassination which leads to a vast conspiracy involving a multinational corporation behind every event in the world’s headlines.

Obama re-write:

The Pelosi-Reid View: A young, in-way-over-his-head president, ambitious to improve his golf game, farms out his two signature pieces of legislation to Democratic leaders in the House and Senate. After they pass, he finds out what’s in them, and is shocked to discover that his stimulus is loaded with pork, there is no such thing as a shovel-ready project, large corporations that send jobs overseas don’t have to pay corporate taxes and nobody gets to keep their doctor. Determined to salvage his presidency, he doubles down by campaigning for another wasteful stimulus and returns to the golf course, where his drive continues to slice to the left.

Classic:

Logan’s Run:   In the year 2274 within a domed society, anyone who reaches thirty years old is “recycled” in a ritual extermination called “Carousel.” Those who don’t buy into the state’s phony, pseudo-religious justification, run toward the outer world, and are hunted by the Sandmen who kill them on sight. Logan, a 24 year-old Sandman, is altered to appear twenty-nine so he can infiltrate the outside network that is fomenting rebellion. When Logan finds out he won’t get his five years back, he becomes a runner for real, and discovers an outside world far more beautiful and fascinating than his antiseptic city.

Obama re-write:

Barack’s Retreat: A president gearing up for re-election is marked as a one-termer. As he leaves the Liberal bubble of the White House to campaign in battleground states, he discovers there are people in America who believe the money they earn is theirs, not the governments; prefer the American model of liberty to the European socialist model of cradle-to-grave entitlements; and would let the free market decide rather than have constant government interference picking winners and (mostly) losers thereby suppressing economic growth. Not able to cope with opposing viewpoints, Barack retreats to his Liberal cocoon, refusing to leave the White House until he is evicted in January 2013.

Classic:

Blow Out: John Travolta plays a  film sound engineer, who accidentally records proof that a car accident was murder, thereby plunging himself into danger.

Obama re-write:

Blown Out: The year is 2012. ‘Nuff said.

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