Cavemen Are Sexy

Shannon Ivey
July 3, 2011 Posted by Shannon Ivey smjivey@gmail.com

Our world is made of men. . .and of cavemen.

There is something stone-cold sexy about a man who is unapologetically settled in his own masculinity; a man who prefers Levi’s to Gucci and has never stepped foot into a nail salon.  This Fourth of July, I want to savor my freedom of speech by giving a politically incorrect shout out to all of the men out there who can change their own tires.  The cavemen of our society.

Now before you start typing up anti-discrimination emails, let me save you some time by admitting to my crime.  If biologically lusting after the cavemen in our culture is considered bigotry, then so be it -  I am shamelessly sexist.

Here’s my reasoning:

The issues surrounding gender discrimination will not be solved by emasculating men. . .or “masculating” women . . . or by removing gender specific language like “him/her/he/she” from our preschools. . . or by removing blue and pink from our toy stores.  Gender bias exists because the human race has never evolved far enough to actually celebrate the inherent wisdom of, and differences between, men and women.  Until we collectively realize that God made us all purposefully different, we will continually fall prey to those who advocate for complete homogeneity (or, sameness).

To avoid a philosophical debate on the semantics of the term “man”, allow me to clarify that I wholeheartedly rejoice in all types of men (and women).  However, the definition of what makes a “man” MUST include the more “cavemanish” men of our culture.  “Cavemanish” meaning:  those men who choose to participate in more primitive masculine behavior and/or adhere to “traditional” gender roles.

If raging against a pendulum that aims to completely annihilate caveman masculinity (rather than merely redefine the oppressive bits of the paradigm) makes me a sexist – then I gladly accept the label.I, like many (straight) women, have no desire to mate with a homogenized man.  However, it seems that Hollywood, certain feminist groups and the media are constantly trying to bully women away from our biological instincts.  The current “man” of choice that is being force-fed down our throat is not only unattractive, but damaging.  Most men do not have silky-smooth skin and highlights, most men weigh over 140 lbs., most men have facial/body hair, most men maintain (and further develop) their masculinity after becoming fathers, masculine men are not all bullies who get drunk and hit things, and not every married man is waiting for the day that he can “trade-up” for a perkier version of his wife.

Therefore, I am launching a rebellion to the homogenization of men by creating my own brutally honest list of why I am attracted to my caveman husband.  (Hollywood take note:  I have a feeling that I’m not the only gal who feels this way.)

20 Reasons Why I Find My Caveman Hot:

  1. He’s devoted to God.
  2. He fiercely loves his wife, his son, his family and his country.
  3. He’s crudely funny, ridiculously smart and smells delicious.
  4. He likes Hockey because the players fight.
  5. He’s not intimidated by strong women, but rather delights in our fire.
  6. He provides for our family, but welcomes my financial success.
  7. He served as a paratrooper in the Army’s 82nd Airborne division and fought for his country in Desert Storm.
  8. He eats every kind of meat and has never ordered a “small salad and a water” in his life.
  9. He’s 6 feet tall and weighs more than 180 lbs (a number that can happily fluctuate upwards by 20 lbs.).
  10. He has tools, knows how to use them and has never clumsily botched a DIY project.
  11. He unapologetically will not wear pink.
  12. He will not drive a sedan under any circumstances and prefers old muscle cars to luxury vehicles every day of the week.
  13. If there were ever a zombie apocalypse, he’s got wicked survival skills and we would absolutely be left standing.
  14. He’s a pro at changing diapers, making bottles, and rocking our baby to sleep.
  15. He knows how to expertly shoot a gun, operate nunchucks and keeps one of those wooden pole thingies that Martial Arts people use (he’s a black belt) next to our bed.  Booya!
  16. He’s hairy and doesn’t shave his chest – nor do I want him too.
  17. He bawled like a baby when we got married and the first time he laid eyes on his boy.
  18. He’s fiercely protective and turns into a lion if his family is in danger.  Heck yeah!
  19. He hates chick-flicks and would watch Braveheart every day if he had the time.
  20. He would never be caught dead with a fruity cocktail and prefers a dark, hearty Belgian beer that is made by monks.

So, to all you men out there whose favorite show is Deadliest Catch and who desperately want to compete on Man vs. Food – today is your day!   Let your Caveman flag fly, as there are plenty of us women out here who rejoice in (and prefer) your masculinity!

Happy Fourth of July!!!

 

PS:  Happy Birthday, Honey – you are the epitome of what makes a truly great man and I love you absolutely. . .even though you gave our son your ugly toes.

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9 Responses to Cavemen Are Sexy

  1. Laura on July 3, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Heck YES!! I love MY caveman, too!!

    • christine on February 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

      hey cave woman, what a total idiot you are…. cave man are rude and share their woman and do not recognize their children because they have sooo many other chick willing to serve them did you know that cave woman?

      • Shannon Ivey on February 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

        Hey Christine – Did you actually read the article or are you just angry at all men? In no way did I describe a chauvinistic pig, but rather a man settled in his own masculinity. -SMI

  2. Gerald on July 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

    This country could use more women like you.

    • Karen on July 5, 2011 at 11:37 am

      On that same note, Gerald – our country needs more MEN like this!!

      There are still PLENTY of women out here with a desire for men like this! :-)

  3. KK on July 5, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Great article Shannon. I too love my caveman! Wouldn’t be caught dead with a sissy man!

  4. Ken on July 6, 2011 at 12:02 am

    You made a list of masculine traits, but then #14 and #17 show your ideal mate doing ‘wimmen’s work’ and crying… Aren’t those the opposite of cave-man like? Finally, #20 is enjoying good Belgian ale (which I do – try some Franziskaner!) but I have always been told that European brews are ‘pansy’ beers compared to a real man’s Bud Light or PBR. Anyway, I would say don’t get too bent out of shape about preconceived gender roles, but that seems to be the opposite of the viewpoint this post is trying to point out.

    Peace!

    • Shannon Ivey on July 6, 2011 at 6:46 am

      Actually, Ken – Crying when your child is born or when you marry the love of your life is absolutely the mark of masculinity. I never asserted that “caveman” equaled chauvinism – nor should it. (If you’ve ever tried a Chimay beer – you would know that it is INFINITELY better than Bud and PBR.)

  5. gayle marchesani on May 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    hi shannon,I thank God for my caveman. He is strong,a provider, protector and loves me for my strengths.We appreciate each other for who we are not for what people think we should be.Actually he found your article and WE loved it because there are so many terrific caveman qualities I love about him listed in Your article. Real cavemen appreciate and value their mates & families.Thank you for stating it So Very Well. God bless!

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